Saturday, February 23, 2008

Provincially Presidential

This is one of the things I adore about small-town life. Bill Clinton is scheduled to speak here Monday afternoon, and this is how the local daily, the Athens Messenger, reports it:
Former President Clinton is planning a stop in Athens Monday, stumping for his wife, and the venue, the Athens Community Center, should be in good shape for the visit. ...

And because of a bridal show being held Sunday at the community center, the gym should be in good shape for the occasion, [assistant director of the center Rich] Campitelli said. A floor covering will already be in place from the bridal show, Campitelli said. ...

"It's really perfect timing because of the bridal show, so little will have to be done," Campitelli said. ...

If timing goes right, the gym should be cleared and ready for a basketball game that will be held at 7 p.m., Campitelli said.
Okay, to be fair I realize that the assistant director's job is to worry about precisely those kinds of logistics. And the local paper necessarily deals with the most local of local stuff.

But: a former president just barely getting sandwiched between a bridal show and a basketball game??!!

Am I the only one who thinks this sounds like the last scenes in This is Spinal Tap? The part where they're playing Holiday Inns and retirement centers, but before they go to Japan and revive their career? All Bill Clinton needs is a tin-foil wrapped cucumber, a la Harry Shearer's character, Derek the bass player ... No wait, that's far too 1998.

Cucumber or not, it's clear this campaign is no longer going to eleven. Even so, if the Tiger's fever is down by then and he's healthy enough for day care, I'll be there, squeezing with the crowd into that modest gym, hoping to catch a glimpse of fame and power and perhaps a bridesmaid's dress or two.

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