Saturday, February 2, 2008

Aw, Nutz!

First time I saw a set of these - attached to the hitch of a big bad red pickup truck - I thought I must be hallucinating. Or at least over-interpreting.

By now, I've spotted them three times here in Southeast Ohio. Apparently they've been around since at least 2005, but I first saw one a few months ago in my neck of the woods.

They evidently don't attach well to sedans or minivans. I've only ever seen them swinging from ultra-butch pickup trucks. Probably the kind with four-wheel drive, although the drivers tend to stare back kind of menacingly if you look too long, so I couldn't say for sure.

Just about anything I could say about masculinity, insecurity, and obvious compensation mechanisms would be - well, too obvious. Much like the Truck Nutz themselves.

Instead, I'd rather point out the missing, um, phallic signifier (as the my Francophile theory-head friends might say). And we might speculate what's meant to take its place. The truck? Or are we supposed to assume it's the driver who's the dick?

The great thing about these Nutz is that anyone can have them. For us gonadally impaired gals, for instance, they come in a pretty, yet still macho, purple. Or if I'd prefer to be really subtle, they're also available as dainty earrings.

The most "popular" color, according to one seller, is "flesh," but those peachy boys - and every color except red - can be tastefully decorated with a lipstick imprint.

For the perennially frustrated, blue nutz are available too. They range from a classic matte blue through turquoise to a vibrant chrome blue. You can pick the hue that expresses your own predicament.

Camouflage nutz are the latest option for the ballsiest patriots on the road.

Maryland and Virginia lawmakers tried to ban truck nutz last year on moral grounds. Unsuccessfully, so far (though the link to the Virginia story marvelously shows the nutz blurred out). Anyway, it's as pointless to try to ban this sort of speech as it is to try to ban hypermasculinity and stupidity.

Photo by Flickr user Vidiot, used under a Creative Commons license (see the original photo for conditions). For a rainbow of options, see Your Nutz: Ultimate Fashion Statement, link courtesy of Pharyngula. I'd like to post a couple of their designs directly here, but they've copyrighted every photo on their site and their vehicle clearly can beat up mine (a 2001 Saturn SL, which lacks even ovaries).


Smirking Cat said...

Like you said, comments about swaggering overdoses of testosterone are too plentiful to start typing them out. Suffice to say I think these balls monuments dangling from trucks are one of the most idiotic trends I have seen in a while. Why can I imagine "Get 'Er Dun" emblazoned across the front of these jacked up trucks?

ThePoliticalCat said...

Hi, there, Sungold! I came by to say I put you in a B.A.D. post on my site and thought I'd blogrolled you but when I went looking for you on my 'roll (why does that have me thinking hungrily about sushi?), you weren't there! And just in case you'd come by and noticed my dingbattery, I thought I should rush over and correct any misconceptions. Or whatever. (Those cold meds are good, but they make your brain all mushy-watery!)

Anyway, you're on my blogroll now. I'm looking for evidence of other kitteh(s), but probly have to root through all the way back to the first post, huh? Or you could just break down and tell me.

Also, consider visiting 922 Beautiesfor beautiful cats and their stories and pics. Lizzy, who owns that blog, does some beautiful catblogging. It's my personal oasis away from the political.

Sungold said...

Welcome, cats one and all! Nice of you both to stop by.

From a cats-eye view, of course, those nutz are meant to be batted at.

Thanks for adding me, Political Cat. I love those cold meds too - especially the now nearly verboten Sudafed. I've got to stop making cracks about my meth lab when I buy it.

And now I'm off to check out 922 Beauties. I promise I'll try to get more cat content into my blog. It's hard since I no longer have one of my own, due to my spouse's severe allergies. My catless state has driven me to get my kitty porn from the Internet.